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MARRIAGE AND RELATIONS OF SEXES 161
Having decided that he wants to marry her, he ma.kes his Wishes
l(l'lOWIl to the men of his village and the matter is discussed
among them. If the would-be bridegroom does not know much
about the girl he seeks the opinion of someone who does. Direct
inquiries among the people of her village are not made, for these
will naturally not reveal her defects of character, her moodiness,
carelessness, laziness, or slovenliness, since it is clearly to the
advantage of her kinsfolk to get her married and enjoy the
bride-price.
If he decides that the girl's qualities are such as he requires
in a wife, the suitor then asks some close friend of his in his own
village, often his own brother, to go and see her father and
sound hirn on the subject of the marriage. Should her father
be dead he goes to her brother. If her people are agreeable to
the match, a "price " is determined upon, and the emissary
returns to the suitor and tells him what has been settled. Should
the young man agree to this “ price â€ù, the father or brother of
the girl is visited once more and asked to ï¬Åx a day for the wedding.
When this has been settled the girl is told by her father or brother
that she is to be married and who her husband is to be. She may
be opposed to this, having no liking for her prospective bride-
groom, but, as Deacon's informant said, “ It is too late ; what
shall we do ? â€ù The girl is not told about the plans that are
being made for her, before this, since both her father and suitor
fe'a'r'that, should she object very strongly to the marriage, she
might spoil a good bargain. She is looked upon as being still
a young girl who does not know her own mind, nor anything of
married life, and it will be the business of her husband to “ school "
her. In no case would the young man speak to her directly of
his desire for her.
Should a girl conceive a passion for a certain man, she will
speak to her father or brother about it, and ask him to mention
the fact to the man's sister. If, on being informed of the girl’s
feelings, the man has any inclination for her, he may take the
matter up and marry her, but if he is indifferent towards her
nothing comes of the girl's proposal.
There is no period of courtship, for once the wedding day has
been settled, the suitor refrains from going to the girl's village or,
at least, from seeing the girl herself.
If the." bride-price â€ù is a low one, the young man may be
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